Welcome to my Tumblr.
When I have time to burn,
this is where the ashes fall.
I'm 22, attending UofIowa for Communication Studies, and I could take it or leave it.
I currently have a messy personal life - but then again, who doesn't. However - I DO have a Tumblr Boyfriend, who can be found here.
Place: Iowa City, IA
Email it! TumblrIsAverage.gmail.com
Okay so I’ve come to a stopping point in my paper.
Since everyone has been posting things from the Breakfast Club, I think I’m gonna watch it now.
you’ll get the answer to your first question by looking at my faq page and you’ll get the answer to your second question by asking your dad
I have changed my url from tall-vanilla-lahti so that I can express who I really am inside~
To you sex gurus out there:
I started dating a complete bottom. That’s all he wanted, from what I could tell and what he communicated to me. He became a little more vers part-way in to things, but when I asked him recently, he said he hasn’t initiated once in the last two months where he was thinking of bottoming. Edit: In the last two months, we’ve been pretty 50/50 when we actually have sex, but he definitely initiates a LOT, meaning he’s been intent on topping pretty much every time we might’ve had sex, even though it evens out to 50/50 for the sex we actually have.
As much as I am trying to not let this affect me, it gnaws at me. I have little context for where he is coming from - I’m a people-pleaser and will top/bottom accordingly, so this whole situation has just been really confusing. He’s says he still loves when he bottoms, but since I just know it’s not what he really wants, I don’t even want to top anymore. The whole thing just makes me feel like I did something wrong, and since self-doubt is often my go-to, I’ve been struggling with plenty of it regarding this.
If anyone has some thoughts, some experiences, etc, let me know. The sex is still great, and he feels bad that his switch has caused me this confusion, but it is really getting to me.
I had this answer all typed out. WTF.
So, let me tell you a story.
I have used Grindr for both.
When I was recently open about being gay, I used it to find fuck-buddies. Not one-time fucks, but people who I was comfortable with and felt safe with on not just a physical level, but on a personal level as well. Some of them almost became more, but I often was not in the right place in my life for something more. Thus, I garnered 5-7 fuck-buddies from Grindr.
I also have found long-term relationship potential on Grindr. Granted, I’ve only been in two long-term relationships, but the one I am currently in started on Grindr (yes, all, Scot and I are sort of back together).
It’s for both. It’s all in how you use it and present yourself, and it really has to do with YOUR intention. If you want LTR, you’ll find it.
Sex-positivity is a dynamic ideology that allows us to freely examine various topics about human sexuality. The term sex positive has been used to conceptualize feminist issues such as BDSM and pornography in a way that has ignited a movement of acceptance, neutrality, and above all positivity. Dr. Carol Queen describes sex-positivity thusly:
“Sex-positive, a term that’s coming into cultural awareness, isn’t a dippy love-child celebration of orgone – it’s a simple yet radical affirmation that we each grow our own passions on a different medium, that instead of having two or three or even half a dozen sexual orientations, we should be thinking in terms of millions. ‘Sex-positive’ respects each of our unique sexual profiles, even as we acknowledge that some of us have been damaged by a culture that tries to eradicate sexual difference and possibility. Even so, we grow like weeds.”
The sex positivity movement creates a space that is more inclusive. Terms and classifications such as sex, gender, sexual orientation, and sexual practices are not assumed. This safe space allows one to claim their own unique sexual identity. It is also crucial to note that this means people can claim heterosexual/cisgender identities (when presentation of gender matches one’s sex) while being supportive of those that do not claim the same. This also goes for individuals who choose to identify as asexual. The term “cheerleading” is used to describe behavior that promotes sex, sexual practices, and masturbation as activities and experiences that everyone should, or want to, do in a manner that is comfortable for them.
The one major guideline to sex-positivity is the necessity for consent. Under the umbrella of consent, individuals can explore sexuality as something that can potentially be life enhancing. Following some simple guidelines to embrace a more sex-positive lifestyle can prove to be exponentially positive!
Here are 5 steps to leading a more sex-positive lifestyle:
- Take inventory of your own sexual identity. What makes you feel positively sexy? What events or information have shaped your conceptions about various sexual practices, identities, and general sexual difference?
- Make a list of what you want to get out of your own sexuality. Perhaps this means exploring some literature or different types of sex toys.
- Commit to consent only. (Read more at: http://www.consentculture.com/)
- “Don’t yuck my yum.” This means resist judgment. What one individual can find pleasurable or positive doesn’t mean it will always align with your own likes or dislikes. Next time you are challenged with a sexual practice you find to be negative, explore its origins and research what that practice means to you.
- Explore!! Make the commitment to living a more sex-positive life and start your exploration about what sexuality means to you by visiting ConCon.org!
Share your thoughts on sex positivity in the comments!
Who says I can’t adore more than one guy.
I am practically expected to adore more than one friend - and I do adore them.
I am expected to adore more than one family member.
So why can’t I adore more than one boy.
I understand people’s aversions to open relationships, and tbh, I couldn’t do that. BUT, is limiting my life to that ONE other person the answer?
These are things that reading sexuality theory makes me think.
Why is monogamy SO important… why is it the default for humans when it’s clearly not the default for the rest of nature AND, I would argue, when there is no clear benefit to it, besides a sense of ‘control’ over the situation, which is often proven false as soon as the other person opts out of the monogamy…
Reasons dildos are NOT helpful:
They are cold.
They won’t kiss you.
They don’t moan in your ear.
Sometimes, the literal worst.