Nolan's Life is Average

To you sex gurus out there:

I started dating a complete bottom. That’s all he wanted, from what I could tell and what he communicated to me. He became a little more vers part-way in to things, but when I asked him recently, he said he hasn’t initiated once in the last two months where he was thinking of bottoming. Edit: In the last two months, we’ve been pretty 50/50 when we actually have sex, but he definitely initiates a LOT, meaning he’s been intent on topping pretty much every time we might’ve had sex, even though it evens out to 50/50 for the sex we actually have.

As much as I am trying to not let this affect me, it gnaws at me. I have little context for where he is coming from - I’m a people-pleaser and will top/bottom accordingly, so this whole situation has just been really confusing. He’s says he still loves when he bottoms, but since I just know it’s not what he really wants, I don’t even want to top anymore. The whole thing just makes me feel like I did something wrong, and since self-doubt is often my go-to, I’ve been struggling with plenty of it regarding this.

If anyone has some thoughts, some experiences, etc, let me know. The sex is still great, and he feels bad that his switch has caused me this confusion, but it is really getting to me.

Who says I can’t adore more than one guy.

I am practically expected to adore more than one friend - and I do adore them.

I am expected to adore more than one family member.

So why can’t I adore more than one boy.

I understand people’s aversions to open relationships, and tbh, I couldn’t do that. BUT, is limiting my life to that ONE other person the answer?

These are things that reading sexuality theory makes me think.

Why is monogamy SO important… why is it the default for humans when it’s clearly not the default for the rest of nature AND, I would argue, when there is no clear benefit to it, besides a sense of ‘control’ over the situation, which is often proven false as soon as the other person opts out of the monogamy… 

Reasons dildos are NOT helpful:

They are cold.

They won’t kiss you.

They don’t moan in your ear.

Sometimes, the literal worst.

The way people present their relationships publicly never ceases to astound me.

You have the “Behind the Scenes” relationship, where even their best friends aren’t sure if they are dating or not.

You have the “Quiet Love” relationship, where you get hints and clues as to their relationship, but never and bold signs.

There’s the “If you don’t know, you are blind” kind, where their photos are always together, they are always holding hands, and there are even some partial nudes of them together.

Some relationships are “Rollercoasters” - you only hear about them at the highs and the lows, but when you do, you have to HEAR ABOUT IT.

Some are “Constant Validation”, where one or both parties must constantly remind the world around them of their undying, unending love for the other person, and how their children will be perfect, and their marriage will be flawless.

And some are “Best Friends who fuck” - people know they’re dating, but they weirdly don’t act like it until you see a status or two concerning ‘the events of last night’ and you are suddenly reminded that ALL the sex occurred while you were sleeping in the next room.

Then I sit here, wonderfully performing a beautiful rendition of “Forever Alone”. #sweetmusic